Well I had came back asking for help…so after doing so I wandered to the quest book to see if it had been updated…the second night it sure was. I have been trying to get through all the posts in the last few days..and I knew I’d been wanting to just post a little message. Then suddenly I’m reading this post and it sounds weirdly just like my situation from a year ago..I kept reading..and then I realized it was my post from a year ago. (october 7th 2007) Sadly a week later after that he left me…in a bad way…We ended on very bad terms…I was very very very hurt and sooo crushed. I didnt know why he was doing this…it just wasnt him. I thought I’d never seem him again or his son. I had always wondered how they both were in all…Then a few weeks ago I had gotten this myspace email and it was him!! The heading was in bold and said please read please forgive me..inside he wrote about how he was very sorry for what he did…that he got on medicine for his anger and temper and he was doing better…I just couldnt believe what he wrote..he just wanted my forgiveness he didnt expect anything else…after talking he was at my house the next day I just happened to take a mental health day off as things at work were going bad…i met him at his car and started to hug him when off to my left was a little boy…it was my little man..i didnt expect matt to bring him..i was floored…all three of us were inseperable for two weeks…he was more loving and tentive…things i never knew he could ever be..things i wanted in a man..in a relationship…he planned this weekend getaway even though we stayed right here at home..he just got us all three a hotel..took me out to dinner…the works…then the next day he knew i had wanted to drive somewhere…he get on my laptop when we got home from the hotel…he got on mapquest and planned this day trip..it was great…it was a spur of the moment kinda thing…got to see lots of water and wind through our hair…we were just us….it was great…monday out of no where late at night he ends it with me…i was crushed once again…
i decided to let ms aisha know…she is ever so kind and nice…and somehow i feel ok…somehow i know one way or another i’ll be okay…one way or another i know aisha and miriam will be there to help me whether they are in my life or not. i made it without them thinking they were never going to come back before…i can do it again if i have too…but i know they can help me..as i’ve been going to them for help for years now…
i know that what ever may happen…those two will always be there to help me and will do their absolute best to help me make my dreams come true…they are both true heros to help so many of us who feel this way…who feel like we cant fix things to help make our lives better…I dont know where this all will take me..i just hope it takes me down a road i’ve tried to be on forever…that i’ve asked aisha and miriam to be on…i know i amy seem silly to others in trying to many times to get back something….but i guess i see something others dont..i just cant give up on what i feel…that i’ve felt since school…the same feeling i get when he comes back..the same feeling i see looking in his eyes..the same feeling when he drives out of my driveway..even for the last time…
i hope others that read this…see that both aisha and miriam will always be here for us…even when we are such pains…when we email 500 times just for one small message to make us feel at ease…
i just cant give up…and neither will they
Still here, just not there